I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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