if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize