apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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