She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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