i love accidental penises.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
