He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
