watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im part way to drunk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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