It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
