All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
