Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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