I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
