I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sex in a hospital.. check
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
