I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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