am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
