We're like a lot better than the average bears
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize