I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize