Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
