my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dick has a subreddit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
