I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
