AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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