I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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