Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
