We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
