I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
