You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dear god my vagina.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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