i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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