I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
