i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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