Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize