47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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