All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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