I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
