Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
