i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
