i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
