The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
