i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
