I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
