I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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