I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
