yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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