Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
