guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
