i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude i'm inner monologue high
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
