do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
