Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
