When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize