You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize