How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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