Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
