and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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