The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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