no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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