I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
