The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
