U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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