Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
wow bdsm is so cute
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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