SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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