I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
