I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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