Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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