Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
