I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
