i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
