Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you have feelings for this penis?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
