umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
