If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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