The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
