She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
