Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
