Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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