i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
