Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize