i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
