We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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