Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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