she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
