She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
